5 of Bones' thoughts, and 1 of Jim's
by Venecianaz
Summary: Five small sneak-a-peeks on our beloved Doctor McCoy's mind and on at Jim's head. Slash.


1. First thought

She is beautiful, she is absolutely gorgeous and I can't even think near her. I like looking at her and I like the way she makes me feel. But I love that I can still act normal around her, she is gorgeous and natural and I feel good with her.

Few months after I met her I'm sure she is the one, the one I'm supposed to spend my whole life with. I'm so nervous I can feel my knees shaking, but I gather up my courage and hand her the small box filled with my feelings and desires. She smiles at me and shakes her head positively.

I know I made the right choice, the right thing to be done. She smiles and I smile back. Now everything was going to be alright, my life would be complete.

2. Second thought

That damn light is pissing me off, it is the first time I'm looking at it by this side of the door, normally I'm the one inside the surgery room. The sound of my steps echoing in my head, my fingers running through my hair, my nails already short of being bitted down.

Suddenly the light is off and the door slid open, a nurse smiles at me and says "Come in, Doctor McCoy"; it took me only two seconds to be inside the room. Jocelyn's hair is scrapped around her tired and sweaty face, her eyes are watery and red, and she never looked more beautiful to me.

"She is here, Len" she says, and I kiss her forehead, looking at the pack of sheets on her arms. The small face of our daughter is pinky and beautiful.

"She is perfect" I say, my hand gently caressing her little face. I can't ask for anything else, perfect wife, perfect daughter: a perfect life!

3. Third thought

My head hurts, it hurts so badly! My eyes are dry as much as my mouth but nothing compares to my head. Jocelyn's words are like rocks hitting my head, the tears running down her face are a rain of sadness and failure over me.

What have happened? I don't know, I know things have changed, but why it was happening? Her voice is hoarse and low, she doesn't want to wake Jo, who is sleeping up stairs. She is hurrying me out. I can feel the leather handle of my suitcase, and that is what matters.

It matters not because my clothes are inside it, nor because of my medicines and documents. It is important because I know inside that suitcase lays the last picture of the three of us together. I still don't know what happened, but my head hurts so badly I want to die from some rare and incurable disease. Me steps lead me to a bar and my voice asks for bourbon.

4. Forth thought

Where the hell is my sanity anyway? Just because Jocelyn has taken everything for me, my daughter, my job, my friends, my planet, it doesn't mean I need to get into these freaking shuttle. Wake up, Leonard! You're having a bad dream, soon Jo will crawl into your bed and kiss your cheeks and complain about your beard, and Jocelyn will take her in a hug and we will sleep a little more all together.

I look back to the restroom while the air commissioner keeps pulling me to a "proper seat". I have a proper seat, the restroom is my seat – I say but she ignores me and in a very rough way she tosses me into an empty seat. My face must me terrible, I know, but I don't care. Why I would care, why anybody would care?

The young man by my side smiles and says these shuttles are safe. I smirk sarcastically and say "I may throw up on you". He smiles more and something in his smile makes me relax. I pick my flask and take a long sip, feeling the alcohol burning it's way down my throat. I offer the flask to the blonde man and he accepts it, I notice a big gash on his lip and a nasty bruise under his eye.

I don't know why, but a warm feeling is spreading across me. Somehow he makes me feel home, in a way Jocelyn never did.

5. Fifth thought

I can feel my lungs shrinking, the air scratching my throat. They really expect me to board on that damn starship without Jim? Someone have a really bad taste for pranks. Jim's eyes are fixing mine and I can read in his blue orbits he is feeling just like me. I know he wants to get in that ship at least as much as I want him to do.

My hands reach for a specific hypo in a medicine desk near, I stab the hypo in his neck and his eyes got big. The words "trust me" are written over my face and he stays calm as the side-effects starts. I lead him on board claiming that I am his doctor and according to Starfleet regulations a patient must board with the doctor in emergency situations.

After his hands and mouth got back to normal I feel my heart beating in a health rhythm again. His blue eyes show his happiness and his gratitude, and so do my dark ones. He knows I'm as grateful as he is, he quickly kisses me before going to save the day. My fingers touch my lips and I feel his presence lingering in my skin. He is with me, everything is just the way they're suppose to be.

New thought

After years and years of suffering I couldn't stand it anymore. Every day was just like the previous one: wake up late, argue with Frank, ride the bike somewhere far and drink my problems away. Every time I got into another bar fight I wonder if it would be the last one.

When I first met him I thought he was like me, misshapen and ignored by the universe. He said me he has nothing left but his bones, that his ex-wife has taken the planet away at the divorce. When we landed at San Francisco and discovered we were going to share a room I was overwhelmed by a very new feeling I never knew before and it took me some time to discover what feeling was that; it was the feeling of being home.

"Being home" means safety and warmth, means you are welcome and means someone cares about you. He cares about me and I care about him; simple like that: home. I wasn't even surprised when I found my true feelings about him, but I got very happy and shocked when he confessed his feelings for me. Now I know why I suffered so much in my past. It was because the universe wanted me to taste at least a few suffering, because it knew that after meeting Bones I would know only good things in my life.

I look down at him and smile, he is in a deep slumber, his dark hair ruffled over his eyes. I lean over him and kiss his forehead, gently stroking his cheeks with my fingers. His eyes open slowly and his hand comes near and grabs mine, he pulls my hand close to his face and kisses it. He looks up at me and smiles.

I can see some rice grains on his hair and in the pillows from the party last night, he leans over me and kisses my lips gently. The golden rings in our fingers brushing each other's are the final representation of "home".


End file.
